Goodbye 2012...Hello 2013!

Well, it's almost time to turn the page on 2012 and flip into 2013!  As I reflect on the last year and the ones just before it, it occurs to me that despite all of the trials and tribulations that life throws one's way, there are always lessons to be learned.

For me, 2009 was about facing adversity and learning to put my own selfish needs aside to devote my time and attention to a greater cause.  It was about learning that sometimes, there is no greater satisfaction than knowing you've helped someone in their time of need.  It was about learning the meaning of true, unconditional love.

2010 was a year of immense hope, debilitating fear and heartbreaking loss.  Amid the turmoil however, 2010 also taught me that true, unconditional love is undying.  The person may be taken away, but the love will never be.  Love will always prevail.

2011 was a year of unspeakable grief, and the realizeation that life is constantly changing.  As humans, we are constantly changing.  Through the grief, the year was about learning that life is just too short to be anything but happy, and that spending it trying to hold onto something that no longer exists is futile, and unjust.  2011 was a year of gathering courage, mustering strength and making decisions.  It was about forging a new path, when the existing one led to a dead end.

2012 has been about achievement, finality and self-realization.  It is the year in which I have largely been able to come to peace with my losses, gaining confidence that all has worked out as it was meant to, and that it is okay.  Terrible, yes.  Painful, yes.  Unfair, yes.  But okay.  My trip to India played a large role in this realization.  Until I went to Kiratpur Sahib in India, where my brothers' ashes are scattered, I was unable to find peace with what had happened to our family.  Visiting this gurudwara however changed that.  I will never forget that day.  I was a wreck while I was there, but as we left, I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders, and I have been feeling "at peace" ever since.  My brothers are fine.  They are with God, in a beautiful, quiet place, where gurbani is heard all day, everyday.  They can't not be resting in peace, and knowing in my heart now that they're okay, makes me okay as well.  2012 has also been a year about putting everything else aside, and reconnecting with myself - a girl who became lost in 2002, and re-emerged as a woman in 2012 after a decade-long life storm.  It has been about finding and getting to know myself again.  The Rupi that was and the Rupi that is are two very different people, and it was a pleasure to finally get to know the new Rupi.  She's quite awesome, really! ;)

In the last decade, I've had people come and go from my life, and some who have stuck by my side through every up and down.  I have met amazing people who have offered me unlikely support at my lowest points, and also have been surprised by those who have been notably absent.  One of the major lessons I learned this year is that if there are people who contribute nothing to my life, or add negativity to it, I don't want them around.  It's that simple.  I have chosen to surround myself with happy, caring, supportive people who bring positivity into my life, and the difference I have felt in myself is amazing.  I am a happier, healthier and better person today than I was 366 days ago.

As this year comes to an end, I find myself, for the first time in a long while, looking forward to seeing what the new year has in store.  In many ways, it is a year of new beginnings, and I can only hope that they are the beginnings of something wonderful.

During the course of 2012, we have seen ups and downs.  Sadly, the downs are the ones that stick out more in my mind.  So many senseless acts of violence inflicted on one person by another.  I hope that we have all learned lessons from these terrible acts and act upon those lessons to make the coming year a better one for everyone.  If we all act together towards a common goal, nothing is unachievable.  This world is an amazing place just waiting to be discovered.  It is most definitely worth fighting for.

Having said all this, I am reminded of a quote by Harvey MacKay which states:

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.

So love the people who treat you right.

Forget about those who don’t.

Believe everything happens for a reason.

If you get a chance, take it.

If it changes your life, let it.

Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it.

 

It has taken me a long time to get back to a place where I can say that "life is beautiful," but today I can.  Take it by the reins and make it whatever you want.  Life is a book and it's up to each and every one of us to write our own story.  Make it a good one!

Wishing my family, friends, and the world, in general, a great "last day of 2012" and the very best in 2013.  May you all be blessed with love, health, happiness and peace. <3

What is Wrong with this World?

I've been meaning to post something for the last little bit, but as always, life gets in the way and things get pushed back.  My next post was supposed to be in relation to the lessons that I learned during my trip to India, but that will now have to wait.  Instead, I have a beef with another issue that has been on my mind for the last couple of weeks. 

Many of you will already have heard about the brutal gang-rape and beating of a 23 year old woman on a moving bus in Delhi, India.  Reading details of what that poor girl endured for 40 minutes, at the hands of 6 sick, twisted men, literally left my body and heart aching.  Time and time again, I have found myself trying to imagine what she must have been going through during her horrific ordeal.  I had an instance recently where I three individuals verbally attacked me, all at once.  I remember feeling like prey among predators, and I remember all too well how I felt during and after that episode.  It's not pleasant.  Despite those feelings, I cannot even BEGIN to imagine what this poor girl must have been going through during that attack - knowing that there was no escape, and her only chance at help was also being beaten.

And then she was dumped like trash when the a$$holes decided they'd had enough?  How does any of this make sense?

What is wrong with this world?

Have people become so callous and so heartless?

Did any of those six men think even for a second that they should stop harming her?

Did any of them think even for a moment of their own mothers and sisters?

Do any of them have a conscience?

How can anyone have the ability to be so cruel?

I just don't understand what is wrong with people these days.

Where do people come off thinking that they have ANY right to play with the lives of others?  Be it shootings, stabbings, robberies, murders, rapes - why do people seem to think they have the right to bring injustice upon others?  Where did we go wrong?

In an age where women are blasting off into space, sitting in the UN, representing their countries in every field, why are women still being treated like trash?  And why is it being allowed and tolerated?

Since this incident on December 16, I have read about a 3 year old girl who was raped by the husband of the owner of her preschool, I have read about a teenage girl who committed suicide after she was gang-raped by three men and subsequently ignored and even mocked by police, I have read about a 42 year old woman being gang-raped.  Before all of this, I heard about a police officer who confronted a couple of thugs in Amritsar after they teased his daughter.  They killed him.

Completely oblivious to the dangers that women face in India, I found myself arguing a few times with my mother about going out for dinner with cousins "after dark."  It was dark by 6.  But I found out later that THIS is the problem and the reason that no one wants their sisters and daughters out of their sights.  My own cousin was followed by three goons while he was travelling home with this wife one evening.  He got home, told his wife to run inside and send out his brother.  What would have happened if they weren't close to home?  I picked up a newspaper during my trip to India, and the first three pages were filled only with cases of rape.  THREE PAGES of articles!

Why does it feel like the idiots are taking over the world?  Why does it feel like we have to fear leaving our houses because there might be a deranged individual just around the corner that will violate and wrong us?

The girl from Delhi has now died after a combination of multi-organ failure, infection, heart attack and significant brain injury.  She had had the majority of her small intestine removed by doctors, after a significant portion was removed by her attackers.  Had she survived, she would have been forced to live with a colostomy bag attached to her.  She would likely not have been able to have children.  She surely would not have been able to eat normally.

Who would have thought when she went out to watch a movie on that Sunday evening, that there was a terrible nightmare awaiting her and her family?

I sit here and cannot help but think about her mother.  What must that mother have been feeling watching her daughter suffer and deteriorate?  I watched my mother watch her son suffer and deteriorate - but Rocky died of "natural causes."  This mother was watching her daughter suffer as a result of the actions of others.  What must that father and brother be feeling?  Men seem to naturally have a tendancy to be protective of their daughters and sisters - how will they deal with the fact that their loved one was wronged by people, to whom they will likely never have access?  I literally have a headache thinking about this family.

I can't say that I'm a firm supporter of capital punishment, and I'm not a supporter at all of vigilante justice, but I find myself completely supportive of the death penalty for all 6 attackers in this case (including a juvenile - WTF?!), and kind of supportive of even vigilante justice.  I do not think that these individuals have the right to live in a civilized society, and I do not think that they should be able to live after their actions ended the life of an innocent young girl who had immense potential and promise and more than likely, would have been a productive member of society.  I also don't think that hanging them (India's preferred method of execution, apparently) is enough.  It seems too easy a way to go compared to the option they put ahead of their victim.  Personally I'd like to shove the same "long iron rod" that they used up their asses and give them a taste of their own medicine.

I'm happy to see that the Indian public has erupted in response to this horrific crime, and is demanding justice and protection for women.  I sincerely hope that this young woman's death does not go in vain and that significant changes are made in order to protect women and their rights.  This is the 21st century, India.  Get with the program.  Surely the largest democracy in the world can do better than this to protect its citizens.

When I first heard about this case and the medical emergency that she was facing, I hoped that she would die rather than dealing with a lifetime of serious, limiting, medical problems.  Clearly I underestimated her courage, because just a couple of days later, not only did she clearly give the magistrate a statement, but she also expressed her desire to live.  Then I hoped that she would live and become the face of change for India.  Now that she is gone, I don't know what to think.  The fact that she faced such a serious crisis after this incident just goes to show how brutally and mercilessly she was attacked.  And why was she attacked?  Because she was a girl who felt that she had the right to go watch a movie on a Sunday night with a friend.  How dare she, right?  Absolutely ridiculous.  Something has got to give.

I wish I could save the world.  Maybe it's because of the loss of my brothers and my wish that no family ever go through that kind of pain, but I sincerely wish that I could save the world or at least do something to ease people's pain.  In this instance, in the absence of anything else, I pray that this beautiful young soul rest in peace, and I pray that her family find peace and move on with the same courage that their daughter and sister exhibited.

I also pray that her attackers spend the rest of their days, death penalty or not, suffering and struggling with immense, unshakable guilt. 

Women are not second class citizens.  They are doctors.  They are engineers.  They are lawyers.  They are astronauts.  They are homemakers.  They are friends.  They are sisters.  They are daughters.  For the love of God, they are mothers - they give life!  Without women, none of us would be here today!

A new year is coming upon us, and many of us will be reflecting on what we achieved in 2012 and making resolutions for 2013.  I encourage every single person to resolve to be a better, more tolerant, more respectful person.  All it takes is one person doing something positive to set off a chain of positive reactions.  I'm not saying to go out there and save the world, but just try to make changes in your own lives to bring some sense of happiness to others.  The next time you're in the Starbucks drive-thru, pull up to the window and pay for the person behind you as well.  How much is a coffee anyways?  I've tried this with the hope that someone's morning has been brightened just a little bit because of my actions.  Hold the door open.  Press the "open" button on the elevator to hold it for someone running towards it.  Say "good morning."  Ask someone how they're doing.  Smile.

I know there are more good people than bad out there.  Let's not let this world go to them.  There's absolutely no reason for any of us to have to think twice about where we're going, who we're going with, when we're going, why we're going.  We should be able to do all of those things without fear.  It's not unreasonable.  It's not unheard of.  It is possible.  But it's going to take an effort, and it's going to take people not forgetting the latest tragedy until the next one strikes.

Rest in Peace "Damini."