Wow, it's been a while since I've been here! Most people who know me well know that I express myself best in writing. Writing also allows me to vent in my own way on my own terms. And for some reason, it provides some with comedic relief (you geeks know who you are!), so here's the latest rambling update. :)
So what's been going with me - in a word: LOTS.
Some of those nearest and dearest to me will know that just over 9 months ago, CJ and I parted ways after 7 years together. CJ and I had some good times in our time together, but unfortunately, things changed. I've always said that it's better for two people to be apart and have a chance at happiness separately than be together and be miserable. As sad as it is that things had to come to this, I feel that this is the best decision for both of our futures, so here we are.
That's the biggest development of the last 9 months. Other than that, as many of you know, I finally managed to complete my CGA. It's funny - I started my pursuit of an accounting designation a month after CJ and I got together - and I finished it 4 months after we ended our relationship. So much happened during the pursuit of this designation. On the same token, so much happened in the last decade of my life. The journey from 2002 to 2012 has been a difficult one. There have been ups and downs. I have been the happiest I've ever been and the saddest I've ever been. I have seen highs and lows. I remember just a while ago when someone would ask me "what's new?" I'd say "same old, same old" with a sense of boredom in my voice and body language. Not anymore. "Same old, same old" is, in many ways, better than having lots going on. In many ways "same old, same old" is actually a blessing. I wish I had realized this earlier. I'm sure I would have enjoyed those moments more knowing how fast things can change, and how eagerly some actually wait for those simple, no-drama moments. But as they say, we shouldn't regret those things that we cannot change, but instead, learn from those moments and make the best of our future. "Same old, same old" is now welcomed.
In March this year, Gurbaksh Chahal, the superstar entrepreneur based out of San Francisco, and his company RadiumOne, unveiled a new social media platform called Via.me. I have never come across a social media platform that is SO inspirational. I have made a few very good friends on Via.me, and have also had the opportunity to learn quite a bit. A few quotes (of many) that I have come across and have really enjoyed and have tried to apply to my life are as follows:
1) Let your past make you better, not bitter.
2) Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So, love the people who treat you right, and forget about the ones who don't. And believe that everything happens for a reason...if you get a chance, take it; if it changes you, let it. Nobody ever said that it would be easy...they just promised it would be worth it.
3) Every bad situation will have something positive. Even a dead clock shows the correct time twice a day. Stay positive in life. God knows hat is best for you.
4) Worrying does not empty tomrrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength.
5) Never wish that life was easier, wish that you were better.
6) Sometimes you justhave to stop worrying, wondering and doubting. Have faith that things will work out, maybe not how you planned, but just who they're meant to be.
There are many more, but you get the idea. Someone asked me a few weeks ago, that other than my parents, who is the person that has been most influential in my life. Without a doubt, that person is my Rockstar. In his young life, he taught me how important it is to live life on your terms, how important it is to be happy in life. I'm sure if he's watching me now, he probably wants to punch me in the face for not doing a better job (lol), but I assure you Rockstar, I'm trying! <3 I forget often, but I know that despite all that the last decade has brought my way, I am still very blessed. Every so often, my breath is taken away when I think about the amazing people that surround me. The Big Guy above must not be too angry with me for turning my back on Him, because He has sent, and keeps sending amazing people my way - people who listen, who offer feedback, who encourage, and who share their experiences. People who offer advice, who give me honest opinions, and who don't judge me when I have a psychotic break (instead they laugh, because apparently they're a bit jerky like that!). Even people who are complete strangers unintentionally help me along! One of the quotes above is from Gurbaksh Chahal himself, who I follow (okay, stalk) on Via.me. The point is that at every turn, there is someone out there who either intentionally, or unintentionally, pushes me in the right direction when I may be headed off elsewhere. Over the last little bit, following the Chahal siblings has even made me make up...to an extent...with the Big Guy. Their devotion to their religion and God makes me want to believe again. But everyone knows I'm as stubborn as they come, so it's taking longer than it should for me to take action on this. At the end of the day, I'm realizing that God may have taken away my brothers, but He has given me an amazing circle of friends who pick me up when I'm down, but also pull me back when my head starts to get too big. Sometimes I wonder why these dorks stick around - gluttons for punishment they are! <3
Just last week, I had yet another psychotic break (don't ask!), and my victim was one of my newest friends. Rather than running for the hills though, this friend told me that I need to try and find happiness in life, because if I didn't, I would be holding myself back from whatever happiness life could offer me in the future. Now, it's not that I hadn't heard all this before. I had. My friends, who have been involved in my life for years and years and years, have all said this to me. They all knew about the difficulties I faced over the years and watched as I went through all the motions. But this was someone who I had just met, and for this person to give me that kind of feedback was a bit of a reality check. Unintentionally, I had revealed just how messed up I am. I mean, we talked and everything, but I really didn't think that he would be able to pick up on just how messed up things were. I honestly thought I was doing pretty good! Another friend, told me just last night, that she hasn't heard me talk about my own happiness. When I talk about the future, I seem to try and come up with ways to stick it to other people. That's also a wakeup call. I never thought that that was what I was doing, but realized that she is right.
Why is happiness so elusive? Or, is it? What is happiness? How can I find it? How can I make peace with myself and all that has happened, so that I can live my upcoming life to the fullest and make the most of it? I thought I was doing all those things, but I guess I need to focus a bit more on how I'm going to do these things. I know what my goal is - the goal is to live a successful and happy life for myself and my brothers. They never got a chance to experience all that I still have an opportunity to. The last thing I want is for me to meet them at the pearly gates one day and have them say "That's it?...THAT's what you did in life? Stupid lady!" I owe it to my brothers, who have taught me so so much in their tiny little lives, to take those lessons and move forward in a positive way. My brothers will reside forever in my heart, and from there, they will share in my experiences. I'm realizing more and more with each passing day, that by not living my life in a positive and happy way, I'm doing a great injustice to them.
So now begins a conscious effort to resolve these issues. My nears and dears are right - I won't ever find happiness unless things change. So now begins my personal happiness project. How I'm going to do this is still unclear, but I figure starting with a long overdue trip to the temple, followed by a long vacation is a good place to start - so that's where I intend to begin this "eat, pray, love" ish journey.
I'll try updating you all on this interesting escapade. We'll see how it goes. ;)
Anyways, signing off for now! Hope everyone is well! <3
PS: For those of you curious about this Via.me thing - follow me at http://via.me/RupiG
